Aug 19, 2014

What People Ask: Our Interracial Marriage Part 2

On the last post, we talked about interracial marriage in general.  We received a quick response from some people that were interested and some interracial couples themselves.  We appreciate your input and we hope that you enjoy our FAQs.


FAQs

These questions include some that we've been asked and some that were suggested that we include them on this post.  My responses will be in RED and my wife's in BLUE.  

Please, COMMENT below or email us at ncmorales1227@gmail.com if there is a question not mentioned here that you are interested in.  Thanks again for your visit!



How does your family feel about your spouse's race?

     My family was a bit surprised that I decided to not only marry a white person, but date one.  They have lived in the US for many years, but have not been exposed to white people enough for for them to understand the culture.  This was hard when we would reject an invitation to do a tradition that we both decided did not want to adopt in our marriage.  
     It is also interesting to know that my parents did not actually meet my wife until after 6 months of being married, which helped my wife to ease into my family.  My siblings have married within the Hispanic ethnicity, so they are mainly excited for us to have a child with colored eyes.  (If that even happens...).

     Some people in my family were a little skeptical of my decision to marry Noe, but as with nearly anyone, as they got to know him, the absolutely adored him. 
 

You're dating a Mexican, aren't you worried that he's going to cheat on you?

     I don't think this statement is true.  Just because Noe is Mexican doesn't mean that he is not faithful, that's a personality trait I think, so it isn't related to race.

You're dating a white women, aren't you worried that she won't take care of you?

     No.  She is not a maid.  In the Mexican culture, the woman shows her love by taking care of the home: cleaning, cooking, caring for the children, etc.  Men are supposed to just pay the bills.   Although it may not be the case for all Mexican families, I personally grew up with this idea.  With time, I realized that marriage should be equal and I have the responsibility to not only pay the bills, but help around the house.  My wife was generous enough to marry me and deal with me, so I feel like it is my duty to take care of her, even if I have to wash the dishes, or help clean the house.  

Wouldn't be easier to date your own race?

     It would be easier to do a lot of things in life, but what's always easy is not always what I want.  I fell in love with my wife, not the color of her skin or her "race."  I see her as a daughter of God, and I treat her as such. 

     I think there are some people within my race that would be more difficult to be married to.  Noe is pretty sweet and supportive in our relationship.  I also don't believe that race makes it more difficult to be married to someone, I think the difference comes in culture.  Fortunately, Noe is fairly Americanized in culture (in terms of our relationship) and we can both appreciate Mexican food, history, and culture together.

Are you worried your children will be bullied?

     I think everyone has been or will be at some point, regardless of their race.  We intend to teach our children that they are AMERICAN, and not Mexican-American, but they can still be proud of where they came from.  We will teach them to love others regardless of their skin color.  With the correct education at home, we hope that they can learn to deal with the situation.  If our children were born in Mexico, we would raise them as best as we can, but surrounded by more Mexican culture.  Since that's not the case, we will raise them with American culture.

Do you only date white women?

     I never had a white girlfriend before my wife. At first, it was hard to start going on dates with a white women, since I felt like I had to "fit in."  I was afraid to be myself.  I rarely went on a second date, since later I found out that their moms were not too happy (about their decision to go on a date with me).  Until I met my wife.  I was able to be me and she loved me for who I was.  This was a big deal  in my decision to propose to her.

Do people stare at you?

     Sometimes is weird when they DON'T stare at us.  Just recently, a worker in the produce section at Kroger kept staring at us for so long that it became a bit creepy.  He tried to follow us around some aisles.  We've been stared at here in Texas more than our previous home Idaho.  We think it might be less common here than where we previously lived.


What is difficult about your partner's culture?

     The only hard thing was that at the beginning of our marriage I did not feel welcome.  In my culture, hugs are very common.  It was wrong of me to expect some of my wife's family members to act the same.  Although some were still apprehensive about me coming into the family, once they got to know me, their negative perspective about Mexicans changed.

     Oh boy.  I struggle with many things in the Mexican culture.  I personally don't like how touchy-feely the Mexican culture is (this is only referring to people you don't know well or have a close relationship with).  I have met my husband's ex-cousin-in-law a million times removed and they still are all touchy, and I have no idea who they even are!  I also was chewed out by someone (who shall remain nameless) recently as to how I need to get used to it.  I wanted to say that this was America, and I don't have to do any of that stuff...but yeah.  I'm working on a few things.

Do you speak your partner's language?

     I have been in the states since I was 10, so my English has improved in these last 17 years.  The hardest part is probably not understanding the Pop Culture.  Such as the classic "It says FRAGILE," or "Wayne's World!  Party time!  Excellent!"

     I speak Spanish fairly well.  I speak English to his family who are learning, or who already speak English because I think it's important that they keep it up and learn.  After all, even to drive in the US, signs are all in English!

Is he legal or is he with you for papers?

     This is a question that we rarely get face-to-face, but we eventually hear it from someone else.  We say, "what do you think?"  He is legal and I like him and he likes me.  End of story.  P.S. if you are trying to make friends, this is a very offensive question.


How do you adjust to different cultures/environment?

     I try to be myself.  Most people like curious things or unusual, so I try to entertain those around me by talking about my culture.  It works most of the time.  
After graduating from high school, I was not exposed to different cultures as much as I did while I was serving an LDS mission.  Serving in the state of Pennsylvania for 2 years helped me understand the American culture better and finally realized how much I was missing out.

     As I stated before, Noe is very Americanized.  He has been here for many, many years.  That's a blessing.  He has had a lot of exposure to different languages, people, and cultures in his time here.  His family hasn't.  When I am spending a lot of time with them, I try to be myself and figure that if there are problems, it's better to just be myself anyway.
 

 These were some of the question that were suggested we include them here.

Are you going to raise your kids more White or more Mexican?

     We will raise them as Americans.  They will be raised loving God and those around them.  They will speak both English and Spanish and will understand both cultures and embrace them.  They will be proud of their father's roots as well as this beautiful country. 

"Do you ever miss being with JUST your race or culture?" 


     No.  My wife is like a vanilla covered chocolate.  She has the perfect combination of what I need.  She loves my culture and I never compare her with anyone of my culture.

"Do you ever regret marrying a Mexican?" 


Not one bit. 
 

"What's it like as a White woman to be married to a Mexican?" 


     It's fun!  And I love every minute of it!  As far as the white/Mexican combination, I don't think it's any different from any other marriage.  But the culture of his family and my family are night and day differences.  I enjoy learning about the Mexican traditions and incorporating the ones we like and kicking the ones we don't like to the curb.

We hope to hear from you.  

If you liked this post, please SHARE!  And as always...¡Gracias!

 

My sisters meeting my wife for the first time (From left: Rubi, Cynthia, Celena, 2012).



Engagement Picture 2 (2011)

Downtown Houston's Aquarium (2012)
Houston Astro's game (2012).
 

2013
Houston Arboretum (2014)
Reactions:

2 comments:

jlcook2006 said...

Very insightful - nice job....I love you both!

Noe Morales said...

Thank you! Some people do not see us as an interracial couple, I think because of I have become americanized in the past couple of years. Others were able to relate.